Don’t Be That Guy

I was at Ground Kontrol on Saturday night, dodging drunk twentysomethings from Beaverton on the Dance Dance Revolution machine and bored girlfriends who were always leaning on the game I wanted to play while their significant other played the machine next to it.

I’ve pumped a lot of quarters into Area 51, and I’m working through them. I’ve reached a boss battle, and I’m in the groove.

And that’s when someone came up behind me, smacked me on the ass, and whispered in my ear, “Wanna make out?”

The reason I’m not writing this from jail as I wait for arraignment on an assault charge are twofold:

1) I use a two handed stance on shooter games, and
2) Out of the corner of my eye, it looked like someone I knew.

“Busy. Boss battle. ” I said, continuing to shoot the ever-loving hell out of the alien scum.

When the second slap on my ass came, I knew this wasn’t anyone I knew. Because everyone I know would know better than to interrupt me while I am in the middle of a boss battle. I turn to get a good look, and there’s this idiot with his hand stuck out.

“Hi, I’m [Doofus].”

I just stared at Doofus for a few seconds, and then turned back to my game. Only to discover that while my attention was diverted, the alien scum had eaten my brains. I turn back to explain to Doofus how many quarters he now owed me and that I would gladly take payment in his broken and shattered bones, but he’d moved on to another woman with the same ass-slap “wanna make out” move.

I promptly alerted the security that there was a person harassing the female guests, and Doofus was escorted out.

Moral of the story: Don’t Be That Guy who got bounced out of an arcade.

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