I was so excited. There was a box on my front porch! It was the two skirts I ordered.
Not just any skirts, but silk wraparound skirts made from upcycled vintage saris.
My first worry as I tore into the box was that “plus size” wouldn’t be big enough for me. But they were, and they were pretty. Even though they’re supposed to be reversible, the inner skirt layer on both of them is a godawful vintage pattern that works much better as an accent.
As I stood in front of the mirror and tried different ways of swirling about, I had a realization.
I don’t wear skirts.
Why the hell did I spend money on something I wouldn’t wear?
This used to happen a lot more in my world, until I decided I would restrict my clothing purchases to outfits that make me feel comfortable, both physically and mentally.
It’s not that I won’t wear skirts or dresses (plenty of pictures on my Flickr to prove that), but those were all rare and special occasions, ones where dressing up was equal to wearing a costume.
In my daily life, I wear pants. Really, what I prefer is jeans.
I like the freedom to move, to kick and walk and dance and fall down without worrying about ‘something inappropriate showing’. I like the freedom that pants give me from certain societal expectations. Skirts in my mind are forever associated with formal occasions where I was expected to sit still and be quiet.
I’m not good at sitting still and being quiet. Never have been, never will be. Putting on a skirt for me is crossing a boundary into an uncomfortable place.
But oh, these skirts are pretty. And they swirl and float and even sparkle a little bit.
Maybe I’ll wear them like I wear a Halloween costume; put on a skirt and still be myself, sprawling and loud despite my discomfort.
Or maybe I’ll hang them as curtains, and watch the sun shining through the bright silk during my meditation times.