Oh, HELL NO.

Dear RPatz–

STAY THE FUCK OUTTA MY TOWN!

No love,
Mary Sue

For those of you who are blissfully unaware, Rpatz is Robert Pattinson a.k.a. Cedric Diggory a.k.a. Passive Aggressive Stalker Abusive Partner Sparkly Vamp-Boy Edward Cullen (and if you don’t know who the latter is, please educate yourself here). According to io9 via MTV:

Robert Pattinson says he’s heard the final Twilight movie will shoot in Portland,

That is what made me flip my shit, because, dude, just go ahead and read Cleo’s Tour of Terror ’08 recap to see how batshit Twilight fans can get.

And I’m a Trekkie and an X-Phile and a Cross and Staker, I know from fandom, and Twilight fandom? Higher concentration of batshit insane than even Harry/Hermione fans.

DO. NOT. WANT. IN. MY. TOWN.

However, and this is a big however, it could be wishful thinking on the part of the R to the Patz, as he goes on to say,

and in his wildest dreams he’d like to see Portland-based director Gus Van Sant at the helm.

Yeah. If that happens, I’m going to just go right ahead with the plans for the 1950s era bomb shelter, sans the Tiki Bar*, ’cause that means the world’s ending.


*I came across out there on the Intertubes a collection of 1950s Civil Defense Administration bomb shelter plans, and I decided when I finally get around to building my house, I’m going to build a bomb shelter in the backyard and decorate the interior as a Tiki Bar. Why? BECAUSE I CAN.

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