Let me tell you about Terminator 4.
Oh, yeah, I can’t. Despite having gotten my pass to a preview screening three weeks ago through an online service called GoFobo.com that made me cough up a bunch of personal information.
I got there an hour early, and stood in line. When they ran down the line at about 6:20pm for the 7pm show and counted heads, I was person 274.
As it got closer to go time, I got a little antsy. There were obvious studio flacks wandering the line, and they were letting people cut in line. There was also some kid running up and down the line shouting, “Who needs passes?” and waving a handful of xeroxed square flyers.
At 6:35, the line started moving. At 6:50, when I was 30 people from the door, they announced the theater was full.
Now, I may be dyscalcic, but that means that the Warner Brothers PR flacks let about 120 people cut in line. And I’m not talking the fools with blue flyers who got the special treatment, I’m talking OMG hiiii! How are you? Can we cut? OMG THX!
So I went to the nearest Warner Brothers person and asked “What about us?”
“I’mrealsorry,” she said with no pauses, in a rush, obviously wanting to get the angry mob– I mean, potential viewers out of the way. “Thereweretoomanypasses.” Something flashed in her PR brain, and she added, “IfIcouldIwouldletyouallinbutI’msorry.”
“So, the kid who was handing out flyers…” I started to say.
She interrupted me. Her voice had that None of this bullshit tone I know well. It’s the tone I use on vendors. “He was not affiliated with Warner Brothers, and you need to take it up with him.”
And before I could point out that I, indeed, had coughed up personal information to gofobo.com and not taken some dirty flyer off the street (what kind of person do you think I am!?)—
—she turned her back on me and walked away.
So, yes. I would have loved to tell you all about the movie. But I didn’t get in. Therefore, Terminator 4 sucks and Warner Brothers PR sucks.