Fat and Single– and that’s okay.

I read a lot of Kate Harding dot Net. Why? Because the people over there, not just the bloggers but the commentors, are AWESOME. There’s snark, and there’s information, and there’s support.

And there’s the repeated refrain to be who you are, every day, every hour, every minute. Even if it’s a struggle. Don’t let others tell you who you should be, don’t let the haters decide if you’re happy or not.

And I’m waving my hanky in the air and shouting “Preach it!” and putting in earplugs and loading the page whenever people around me start talking about their diets (the earplugs? Literal, yo).

This morning, though, I woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, “Waitaminute, if one of the main reasons the trolls over there demand we all put down the baby-flavored donuts* is so that we’ll get married, why is the first argument out of Kate and Fillyjonk and Sweet Machine’s mouths usually, ‘Thanks, we’re happy being fat, and our partners are happy with our fat, too!'”

Well, here I am to tell you all right now, I am fat, and I am single, and that’s okay.

Oh, boy howdy, there’s a stigma in this culture about being single, just as big and insidious as the ones about fat people. If you’re single, you’re lonely, you’re unstable, you’ll work late and like it because you won’t be going home to an empty house, you don’t deserve the vacation time because the other person who asked has a family

Don’t lie. You read one of those and thought, “Well, yeah, single people are totally like that— HEY! Mary Sue tricked me into facing my own prejudices!”

Nyah, nyah, boo boo! I made you THINK.

I “need” a partner just about as much as I “need” to fit into size six jeans. Just as being fat doesn’t stop me from going out and enjoying life, neither has being single. I go out to the movies. I travel. I even– gasp, shock, horror!– eat ALONE. In RESTAURANTS!

I don’t need a partner to complete me. If someone comes along whose strengths compliment my own, yeah, then I’ll be all over that, you bet your sweet bippy.

Until then, I’m willing to wait and not willing to compromise my sanity and health for some ridiculous ideals of beauty and normalcy.


*baby-flavored donuts — a joke amongst the Shapely Prose crowd. Thanks to a warped reading of the Law of Thermodynamics, many people believe calories in equals calories out applies to the horrifyingly complex and intertwined bundle of chemical processes we call the human body. And therefore, anyone who is fat is therefore stuffing their faces all day, with luxuries like donuts. And what would be the evilest donut you could eat? One made out of babies.

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2 Responses to Fat and Single– and that’s okay.

  1. LB says:

    Preach it, sister!

  2. Fantine says:

    Hi! I trekked over here from your ping on Shapely Prose.

    I was happy being single long before I was happy being fat. I loved the freedom, and the privacy, and the quiet. I loved being able to read for hours at a time without interruption, or to go shopping whenever I felt like it, or practice singing as often and for as long as I needed to without being self-conscious, or to join a club or get involved with a choir or a theater group without worrying about someone else’s needs or wants or schedule. And those are all things I miss about being single.

    But you did make me think… I really did start to feel more deserving of status as a member of society (as oppsosed to being the invisible fat woman) when I started dating and eventually got married. It was as if the idea that someone else has publicly acknowledged that I am important to him made me realize that I am a real person deserving of respect. And it’s a habit, when I am feeling insecure in the presence of someone I don’t know, to “casually” mention my husband, which often seems to change people’s attitudes toward me.

    This is something I will have to think about further.

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