Open Letter To The Smokers of Portland

Dear Smokers:

I understand your plight. I used to be one of you. I’m not one of those annoying ‘used to be one of you’s who will demand you quit whenever you light up, though. I don’t mind cigarette smoke usually.

There is one place I do mind it. Upwind of a bus shelter.

How to tell if you’re upwind of a bus shelter: exhale a plume of smoke. Does the smoke head in the direction of the bus shelter? Then you’re upwind. Move away.

Oh, and if the smoke goes up and collects under the roof of the shelter? Move away, jackass.

I know you can’t tell any more because you’re so used to smelling nothing but smoke, however it still stinks even when it’s not visible. You may be standing at SW 3rd and Alder, but I can smell your cigarette smoke a block away.

And because it’s winter, a lot of people with lung issues (you know, from smoking two packs a day for three years and then quitting) are getting more colds. And their lungs are more susceptable to irritants. So if you’re blowing columns of smoke upwind of a very crowded bus stop (like, I don’t know, SW 3rd and Alder) and someone starts coughing and moves upwind of you, don’t glare at her.

Instead, be thankful she was too tired to call TriMet on you since that stop is posted No Smoking.

Best regards,
Mary Sue

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