I had a bad night.

This post isn’t getting tagged with either of the three Fs.

Because it’s mostly to remind people to please, when you’re going out drinking, make sure you have made plans to get home safely and you stick to them.

Plans to get home safely do not include:

  1. Driving your drunk ass home even though you cannot read your cell phone or stand up straight.
  2. Letting strange men who have been buying you shots and lifting your shirt to grab your tits drive you home.
  3. Lying to the sober member of your party about having someone come to pick you up (especially when you’re doing it about three feet from the sober member. She can totally hear you when you ask the person on the other end, “Can I just put you on speaker and you tell this bitch you’re coming to pick me up?”
  4. Wobbling down a dark street yelling at the sober member of your party that you’re a grownup and you don’t need to be babysat and that you’re walking the 30 miles home.

 

Also be aware that if I am in your party and you exhibit drunken behavior, I will totally steal your keys and I don’t care what you call me, you ain’t getting them back.

Additionally, I tend to carry a camera with me. And ‘blackmail’ is such an ugly yet appropriate word…

 

(p.s. I don’t like getting thrown out of bars. So don’t invite me along if you plan on becoming a drunk-ass fool and getting tossed out.)

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