[Fangirl] Middleman Liveblogging 9-1-08

Edit 9/2/08: In 12 hours, I received 140 hits for Neil Levin + Middleman. Neil was the script supervisor on the Middleman, who died earlier this year. The pertinent information was originally at the bottom of the blog, I copy it up here for y’all now:

Up comes the card: Dedicated to the memory of Neil Levin. To find out more about Neil, see this post at The MiddleBlog. Also see this post to see how many of the pop culture references I missed didn’t feel like blogging about.

And now, here’s the blathering I did on the episode as I watched it:

After the stars, I will tell you all about The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome, so if you do not want spoilers, STOP NOW!

* * * * * * * *

It’s 6:16pm at Middleman HQ and I laugh at the palindrome. Because that’s how I roll. Then I laugh again at the oscillation overthruster because Buckaroo Banzai is one of the best movies ever. If you have never seen it, your life is sad and grey. Ida is doing origami, and while MM and WW are worried about doomsday devices, bikinis, and a carefully worded monolouge which will be the last thing they hear. Ida’s searched the Obscure Crime Database, and the OCD has returned 1012 scenarios.

We are literally a minute into the episode, people!

MM comes up with a scenario where the great-great grandson of Nikola Tesla who is going to resurrect Edison and get Edison to confess to stealing the idea for the lightbulb from Tesla. Which is impossible, since Tesla had OCD and could not touch another human’s hair, leading to the pretty decent speculation he died a virgin and therefore didn’t have children. Tesla is fascinating. You should read stuff on him.

WW says they’ve been at it for 11 hours and that was the best? MM says “Sometimes when you put your nose to the grindstone, all you get is a bloody nose.” He sends WW off to her date with Tyler, and Ida just up and jets. He’s kind of sad, because he has nowhere to go. Awww. Woobie!

9:59pm, Tyler rolls in and “greyscale dot matrix relationship voodoo” is going on, including Castlevanya. Hot Pockets are NOT the American empanada. Blech. He’s bought her a diamond tennis bracelet, which isn’t her style and he rhapsodies about fantasizing about buying his lady diamonds, something he picked up from watching poorly-dubbed episodes of Dallas in Panama and have I mentioned que linda WW es donde ella habla espanol? Tyler says he loves her. Awwwww.

The Middlewatch and Tyler’s phone ring at the same time, and they promise after this call “the watch and the bluetooth are taking a nap in the freezer”. MM has another idea, she sasses him, and it turns out it’s Tyler’s turn to run off. WW uses my favorite word (sucktacular) and there’s smootching (EW!) and Manservant Neville is over the illegal sublet with a helicopter.

It’s the catwalk leather boob walk! YAY! Last week I got to watch the Middleman with a friend who spent the entire episode telling me about the time she hung out with Javi for an entire convention, and she informed me that the pointing thing is a straight-up shout out to the fans, because Javi minions get the super-special power to point at things. Now you know.

9:39am, and Lacey’s crying. A little. There’s talking about dancing and singing and animated mice and I’m confused, probably because they are talking about love and this is me, here, love isn’t exactly something I’m good at. Lacey’s telling WW about how she felt the same way when WW kept running off for Middleman stuff. WAIT! WHY IS LACEY CRYING?!?!

The bad guys have hit a toy factory, and on the way there’s a phone call between WW and Tyler and I don’t care and he says I loce you again. Which is like love, except I can’t type.

10:01. The bad guys stole 100,000 of eyes out of talking baby dolls, the factory owner is creepy and crying on WW’s shoulder. The eyes are made out of polydicloriceuthanol, which makes MM freak out and shout, “Eyes without a face!” The Berylium sphere, the oscilation overthruster, and the polydicloriceuthanol (I don’t care if I’m spelling it right) can make a quantum singularity machine. I’ve got the TiVo on pause but Im betting the next part explains what a quantum singularity machine does, to those who haven’t mainlined science fiction for the last 20 years like I have. Ida: “the OCD is talking, and it’s talking crazy.”

MM: “The Palindrome has the ability to open a mini black hole.”
WW: “Like the kind that eats socks in the dryer?”

MM also uses “My Little Pony!” as an epithet. Heee. Ida has to go check the HADAR for 1.21 jigawatts. Bwahaha. She’s already got an address for them, and sure enough, there’s the Palindrome.

They split up and MM faces him, but the Palindrome doesn’t want to monolouge. He’s typing as the MM talks, and the Palindrome gets pulled into the black hole. MM ducks and such, but gets conked out and WW gets sucked in. The Palindrome is folding up the machine. Which looks like a breadbox. She wanders after Johnny Won’t Monolouge and we’re in scary alterna!world, where Fatboy Industries seems to run everything and people are grey and depressed and eating compressed soup served by a stormtrooper? No, I did mean to type compressed. Manservant Neville Serves YOU! The world is one family, we are all sons and daughters, fathers and mothers…

WW gets asked for her Fatboy ID, and then has to run because, well, she doesn’t have one. There’s a shoot to kill order and some gritty urban architecture. WW actually describes it best, “I’m trapped in Alan Parker’s 1982 theatrical version of The Wall”. The pursuit is called off due to a klaxon and an announcement to “Assemble for the Pledge!”

WW heads home, because that’s what you do when you are trapped in an alternate universe. Screen text says “An evil hallway in an evil parallel universe, 11:52pm.” there’s a guy in the evil hallway, wearing black leather and strumming on a guitar. WW says, “Noser!” and evil!Noser asks, “Who’s the man?” WW says, “Thank God!” and Noser, busting out the shotgun, says, “Who’s the man?!” It’s Stump the Band Russian Roulette. Lacey’s turned the place into an exotic dance club. Lacey beats the crap out of WW because evil!WW got her arrested. The Fatboy storm troopers show up, and Noser starts shooting back.

Pip rollsup in a hatchback and a horrifying purple and black striped hoodie and goes all T-100 on WW. Pip is a priest. WW is confused. So am I. WW points out it’s the Mirror Universe episode, and Pip asks if it’s that show “starring the great George Takei?”

Yes, Pip, it is.

WW makes Pip take her to find The Middleman, because she thinks he’ll still be good. Oh, WW. Didn’t you watch the Mirror Universe episode? Back in the regular universe at 12:21 pm, Ida’s lecturing the MM for watching the Realtime Situation Recording Archive over and over. Apparently the Palindrome goes in with a dark suit and a goatee (heee) and comes out in a light suit with no goatee.

Back in the Evil parallel universe Middleman headquarters at 12:33 and 21 seconds (heee), Ida’s a svelte blonde working on her tanlines. Evil!Ida doesn’t give a baboon’s backside about her backstory.

The Middleman is working on the Middlehog. He’s got no shirt on, chaps, an eyepatch, and looks a little like my Uncle Dennis. He wants cash to start investigating. She’s apparently not down with the sickness. Heee. She gives him the diamond tennis bracelet as payment.

Ivan Avi, 1997 Pliskin Circle is the Palindrome. He would pretty much need to be the Palindrome at that point. At 1:21pm the MM shows up at Pliskin Circle, as Ivan is rolling out with the breadbox. Mirror-screen text shows the evil!MM shows up there at the same time. Split screened Ivans scream, “You’ll never make me go back to that horrible place!” holding the breadbox over their heads. And it goes smashy. One MM cusses, the other says Phooey. Guess which!

Quick interlude to say if I never see another commercial for either The Secret Life of the American Teenager or Samurai Girl again in my entire life, I will not have to surpress the urge to scream, find ABC executives, and rend their flesh with my fingernails.

2:59pm, in the regular universe, MM is asking if another machine can be built. At 3pm in the other place, same questions being asked, this time with brass knuckles. “Manical laughter, didn’t see that one coming.”

Backstory. There’s a freak accident during a Limbo at a bar mizpah… why can’t I spell tonight? Anyway, it severed his pineal gland, creating a psychic link between universes.

“Last time I tried that move on Sensei Ping, he plucked out my eye.”
“Holy Kill Bill vol. 2, Sensei Ping put out your eye? Why?”
“Maybe because he’s a psychotic [beep].”

They need to fire the phase cannon at 9:29pm. And the evil!Ivan tries to take WW hostage, and evil!MM shoots him dead. dun Dun DUN! Gratuitous New Jack City reference. The phase polaron cannon was sold to Fatboy for rent money. Evil!Ida is giving backstory. The MM wasn’t always depressed, but goatee!Tyler, the Middleboy, got killed by a red phase gun and he got all chapped. WW goes to Lacey for help.

I think I know who owns that red anodized ray gun. But it’s a PSA for not smoking pot. Where’s the TiVo remote?

5:15 pm, WW is pitching it as a revenge gig. Noser is okay, by the way. WW is going to apologize to Lacey. I forgot to mention the feo black wig Lacey’s wearing, did I? Apparently Fatboy is locked up tighter than a public water fountain? 6:16pm and they’re blackmailing evil!Joe to getting them in. Standard Fatboy Employee Torture Protocol starts with the Beard of Bees. Evil!Ida is trying to pep talk evil!MM into caring, but she can’t, so she quits.

WW notices something hinky about the combination to Manservant Neville’s private control room. And then they grab the cannon and Lacey starts shouting “Man in a Bag!” and it’s Manservant! Apparently even though he’s in charge, no one ever sees him. Manservant unfreezes enough to give us more backstory about WW betraying him…

“Dubdub? Why is there another Dubdub?”

Yep. Evil!WW killed Tyler. I called it. Control room combo is the day WW dad disappeared. Evil!WW has control freak issues. Therefore, she controls the world. Joe Ninety sounded the silent alarm, and Evil!WW kills him. The one thing that Evil!WW didn’t count on was the fact good WW was trained by Sensei Ping. TKO, and the old clothing switch, Good!WW tries to roll out in Evil!WW’s clothes, holding Lacey hostage, except Evil!WW can use her Fatboycard to prove her identity.

Right as good!WW and Lacey are about to get executed, evil!MM rolls up in full Renegade glory and literally bitchslaps the stormtroopers. As they flee, Lacey mentions that evil!MM is kinda hot. The Middlehog got left behind. Alas.

Dude, Mark Kesslar can’t salute to save his terribly attractive soul.

Evil!MM offers Lacey a gig in Temporary Employment.

“When I saw my double through that Quantum Singularity, a single thought ran through my mind…”
“No, you would not look cooler with an eyepatch.”
“A man’s gotta wonder…”

Amusing vignette in the evil!MM HQ that’s getting less evil by the minute. And WW is painting again, a portrait of the MM in hero pose.

Up comes the card: Dedicated to the memory of Neil Levin. To find out more about Neil, see this post at The MiddleBlog. Also see this post to see how many of the pop culture references I missed didn’t feel like blogging about.

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