I’m sorry. You know we started out rough, when Digi introduced us I was in the middle of a “Raw Foods Vegans are INSAAANE!” kick. But we worked together, settled our differences, and I think we had a good thing going.
I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I tried really, really hard to be strong, but I was at Fred Meyers and you weren’t (and why the hell weren’t you at Fred Meyers?) and I didn’t have time to run to the damnhippie grocery store, so I picked up a box of Caribou Coffee Caramel High Rise Chewy Granola Bars. I’m a weak woman, you know that, and these have real coffee in them!
But they taste like someone had rolled sawdust in coffee grounds and chemicals, then added high fructose corn syrup. They’re nothing like you, my beloved Larabars. I promise, I won’t stray again. Give me another chance, please?