Open letter to Barb Anderson from Champlin, MN

Dear Barb Anderson from Champlin, MN:

I recently learned of your letter to the editor in the Coon Rapids Herald dated 6/1/2011. This was pointed out to me by a Rolling Stone article which quoted you, but did not provide your name. Thanks to the wonderful Internet, a simple Google search found me the entire letter, wherein I could read for myself the comment you made in its original context.

See, when you were quoted in Rolling Stone as saying,

“Let’s stop this dangerous nonsense before it’s too late and more young boys and girls are encouraged to “come out” and practice their “gayness” right in their own school’s homosexual club,”

I was kind of hoping it was out of context with your letter. I am an inherent optimist that way. But twelve (12!) paragraphs before that, you stated,

“homosexual attractions and behavior which for men is built around the practice of anal sex—the leading cause of HIV”

which only proves to me you’re not just misinformed about what goes on in queer relationships as contrasted with heterosexual ones, but dangerously so*.

But I do want to get back to your dangerous nonsense quote. See, my high school didn’t have a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). I was terrified of even thinking about my sexuality in high school, let alone going to a room and telling others I might possibly kind of be one of them. Part of the terror was that judgemental people like you would find out and treat me like the poor young woman in the Rolling Stone article. Therefore, I did not date in high school, nor in college until my senior year.

Thus, I never practiced being queer.

However, when I finally did start dating my college girlfriend, I was very good at being queer. Oh my, yes! I didn’t change my clothes or my lifestyle, still went to the same church, still had the same friends. But boy howdy, I was so good at being queer right off the bat, no practice at all, that in light of your statement I can only come to one conclusion:

I am a queer prodigy!

Clearly, I was born with an innate gift for being queer. Thank you, Ms. Barb Anderson, for assisting me in coming to this realization. And despite the fact I’ve been single for many years and plan on continuing in my blessed singleness for many more** I’m sure that if I was to start dating a woman again, my queerness would not have suffered one iota for not being ‘practiced’.

Sincerely,
Mary Sue
Portland, OR


*the largest growing demographic of HIV cases in the US are heterosexual women age 25-45 who engage in unprotected oral and vaginal sex.
**Now that I’ve said that, however, I bet you five dollars God’s going to play a practical joke on me.

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