I read a lot of Kate Harding dot Net. Why? Because the people over there, not just the bloggers but the commentors, are AWESOME. There’s snark, and there’s information, and there’s support.
And there’s the repeated refrain to be who you are, every day, every hour, every minute. Even if it’s a struggle. Don’t let others tell you who you should be, don’t let the haters decide if you’re happy or not.
And I’m waving my hanky in the air and shouting “Preach it!” and putting in earplugs and loading the page whenever people around me start talking about their diets (the earplugs? Literal, yo).
This morning, though, I woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, “Waitaminute, if one of the main reasons the trolls over there demand we all put down the baby-flavored donuts* is so that we’ll get married, why is the first argument out of Kate and Fillyjonk and Sweet Machine’s mouths usually, ‘Thanks, we’re happy being fat, and our partners are happy with our fat, too!’”
Well, here I am to tell you all right now, I am fat, and I am single, and that’s okay.
Oh, boy howdy, there’s a stigma in this culture about being single, just as big and insidious as the ones about fat people. If you’re single, you’re lonely, you’re unstable, you’ll work late and like it because you won’t be going home to an empty house, you don’t deserve the vacation time because the other person who asked has a family…
Don’t lie. You read one of those and thought, “Well, yeah, single people are totally like that— HEY! Mary Sue tricked me into facing my own prejudices!”
Nyah, nyah, boo boo! I made you THINK.
I “need” a partner just about as much as I “need” to fit into size six jeans. Just as being fat doesn’t stop me from going out and enjoying life, neither has being single. I go out to the movies. I travel. I even– gasp, shock, horror!– eat ALONE. In RESTAURANTS!
I don’t need a partner to complete me. If someone comes along whose strengths compliment my own, yeah, then I’ll be all over that, you bet your sweet bippy.
*baby-flavored donuts — a joke amongst the Shapely Prose crowd. Thanks to a warped reading of the Law of Thermodynamics, many people believe calories in equals calories out applies to the horrifyingly complex and intertwined bundle of chemical processes we call the human body. And therefore, anyone who is fat is therefore stuffing their faces all day, with luxuries like donuts. And what would be the evilest donut you could eat? One made out of babies.